When a Young Child Resists Visitation and the Other Parent Rarely Shows Up
Start a free AI-assisted chat and connect with an experienced Illinois attorney, with no obligation.
Reviewed & verified by A. Jason Velez, Esq.*
Managing Attorney, 1LAW · Last reviewed January 21, 2026
Legal Inquiry
Consumer Legal Issue
My ex husband has seen kids 4 times since June of 2023. My 5 year old son refuses to go see him what can I do? There was a custody agreement but my ex husband hasn’t followed it since day 1. He was supposed to get them for the week that summer and didn’t get them until over a month later for a little over 24 hrs. Then he never had contact until Jan. 2025. And the kids really don’t know who he is. And he has Seen them for a couple hours in feb 2025, march of 2025, and April 2025 and hasn’t seen them since.
Attorney Answer
Because a custody order already exists, the direct answer is that you likely still must make reasonable efforts to facilitate your son's court-ordered visits with his father even though he's reluctant — but his father's own long pattern of missed visits is separately something you can ask the court to address.
Illinois law (750 ILCS 5/607.5) provides an expedited enforcement procedure for a parent's failure to comply with, provide, or exercise court-ordered parenting time, with remedies including makeup parenting time, parental education or counseling, a compliance bond, civil fines, contempt sanctions, and attorney's fees. This cuts both ways: because an order exists, you generally must encourage the ordered visitation absent a genuine safety concern, and not doing so could expose you to an enforcement claim from him. At the same time, his repeated no-shows and long gaps in contact are exactly the pattern this law addresses, and a court can weigh your son's age and his stated reluctance toward a parent he barely knows as a legitimate factor in deciding whether to modify or reduce that parenting time.
What you can do:
1. Continue offering and facilitating the scheduled visits, documenting each attempt and your son's response.
2. Consider filing to enforce or modify the parenting-time order given the pattern of missed and inconsistent visits.
3. Look into counseling or reunification support to ease your son's reluctance, as one practical option alongside any filing.
4. Consult a family law attorney about whether the current schedule should be adjusted.
*Attorney review is supported by AI-assisted drafting and legal research algorithms. Use of this Chat does not create an attorney-client relationship.
By using this service you agree to our Terms of Use and our Privacy Policy.
Courts & Legal Aid in Illinois
- File or look up a case through the Illinois Courts, which serves the state.
- Get free civil legal help from Illinois Legal Aid Online.
- Use the LSC — Find Legal Aid to find a local legal-aid office by ZIP code.
- Use the LawHelp.org to browse free legal information and self-help resources.
- Use the ABA Lawyer Referral Directory to get matched with a local attorney through your state bar.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I have to keep offering visitation if my child doesn't want to go?
Generally yes — absent a genuine safety concern, a parent is usually expected to make reasonable efforts to facilitate court-ordered visits even if a child is reluctant.
What can I do if the other parent repeatedly misses scheduled visitation?
Many states allow a parent to file to enforce a parenting-time order, with remedies that can include makeup time, counseling, fines, or contempt sanctions.
Can a child's age and reluctance affect a custody modification request?
Courts can generally weigh a child's age and stated preferences, especially toward a parent they barely know, as one factor when deciding whether to modify parenting time.
